Season Two

Episode 201: Sweet 16 and Paper Thin Lies

Eating disorders, like all addictions, show up with charismatic charm. We invite them in because we’re seduced by the promise of having all we’ve ever wanted. Models and media promote these eating disorders and tell us that if we’re only a little thinner we’ll be happy. They lie.

Season One

Episode 101: My Dirtiest Secret

The one I didn’t want anyone to know. The one I fought so hard to protect. The one I thought I was successfully keeping from my partner…until I wasn’t.

Episode 102: What would it be like to eat the cake and not get fat?

It started off just with desserts. It started off just with swimming laps in the pool. Then people started to notice.

Episode 103: The Perfectionist and the Fuck You

Watch this magic trick. I’m going to be so thin, everyone will love me. I’m going to eat so much, I’ll finally fill the black hole inside. The five main eating disorders are rabbits in a hat — they’re not really about what you think they’re about.

Episode 104: The Moment I Realized Exercise Was a Problem

I’m running through valleys on my lunch break because it told me to. It stole my time. I’m isolating in the locker room because no one can know. It stole my friendships. It stole a lot of things from me. But it also offered me something I needed.

Episode 105: What the fuck do parents do? Part 1: My Dad

What do you do the first time you realize your kid is throwing up? What do you do when she lashes out at you for even bringing up how thin she’s gotten? I interview my father about his experience of my eating disorder, with no holds barred. Some interesting things come to light.

Episode 106: What the fuck do parents do? Part 2: My Mom

My mom never really talked to me about my eating disorder when it was going on. Why not? What was happening for her? What was she thinking, feeling, wanting to say but not? Things get emotional when we explore my dirty little secret, and her role in it.

Episode 107: Why I Hid My Eating Disorder From My Parents

I thought they didn’t know. I hoped they’d never figure it out. I hid it from them for as long as I could for one single, compelling, compulsive reason.

Episode 108: Do we all have eating disorders?

Who doesn’t love a delicious meal or a succulent dessert? Who doesn’t want a perfect body? There’s a fine line between wanting to stay healthy and look good, and slipping off the edge into disorder. How do you know whether your relationship with food has become dangerous, and what do you do about it?

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